Last night (Friday 17th Jan 2020), I performed in the beautiful new pavilion at Coriole Winery, overlooking the majestic McLaren Vale vineyards. A large and raucous crowd, fuelled by the excellent Coriole wines and fed by pizza from the newly constructed pizza oven, gave a warm reception to me, Sarah-Jane Justice, Emilia Haskey and Alison Bennett. The evening was MCd by the lovely Jude Aquilina who interspersed the performances with poems of her own and of others, including a new and very moving one to her partner Brenton, who had been fighting the bushfires on Kangaroo Island.
I tried something completely different as part of my set last night. I distributed clip boards amongst the crowd and asked them to write one liners about behaviours that make them want to shout “Selfish Bastards” at other people. I thought I might get one or two suggestions or none at all, but was inundated with contributions. Clearly there are a lot of selfish bastards out there. At the end of my set I incorporated most of these lines into my “Selfish Bastards” poem. It was a lot of fun. There were lewd, rude, funny and insightful lines from the audience. Just a few of my favourites:
“People who holiday in Hawaii”
“People who dump me Xmas Eve (fuck you Dan)”
“People who don’t believe in climate change”
“People who think sex ends when they’ve orgasmed”
“Carnivores who eat all the vegetarian pizzas”
“People who’s mobile phones ring during poetry readings”
“People who know they’ve had more pizza than the rest of us but keep on eating it” (with accompanying diagram!)
Anyway, the poem itself went down well, and the whole evening was great fun. Many thanks to Jude Aquilina for the invite and to the wonderful management and staff at Coriole Winery for hosting the event. If you’re ever in McLaren Vale, pay them a visit, not just because they support the arts, but also because they are lovely people, their wine is world-class and the winery is such a beautiful spot.
Two people asked me for copies of poems I read which are not yet published, so I thought the easiest thing to do would be to put them here on the blog where they can access them and pass them onto friends. One is my sensitive little love poem to Donald Trump (for Tom from Norfolk – have fun in India). The other is my take on Philip Larkin’s “This be the Verse”, mine being titled “This be the ReVerse”, for Margret without an “a” – hope your children are the ones you deserve.
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Donald Trump, I Love You Man
Oh Donald Trump, I love you man
Your orange skin face and your bright golden hair
Your peppermint breath and your predators glare
Your hair surfs your head from one side to the other
like a baby hamster in search of its mother
I love how you hold up your neat thumb and finger
like you’re summoning thoughts through the hole in your sphincter
Oh Donald Trump, I love you man
I love the way you don’t read no books
You got all your wisdom from working with crooks
No need for long words, no speech hi falutin
Your message is simple, just trust Mr. Putin
We trust you’re the man to clean up this mess
We don’t trust you more but we distrust you less
Oh Donald Trump, I love you man
You’ll keep those illegals from crossing our borders
with their nachos and tacos and cheap Margaritas
You’ll build a huge wall and you’ll send them the bill
and if they don’t pay you’ll nuke them to hell.
Real ‘mericans will get the great jobs that they do
Like mowing the lawn and cleaning your loo
Oh Donald Trump, I love you man
I’ve heard the fake news of your sexual disgrace
with cute Russian hookers who piss on your face
And the stuff about groping and grabbing of pussy
Your businesses bankrupt, your real estate dodgy
But you wouldn’t waggle your horny old trumpet
In Russian hotels, with weak bladdered strumpets
Oh Donald Trump, I love you man
You say you can see that the future is dark
some say that’s because your head’s up your arse
You did it the hard way, you started with nowt
Apart from your billionaire Daddy’s hand out
You’re not polite and you’re not genteel
And you pulled off the greatest old snake oil deal
that’s why, Donny baby, our love is for real.
That’s why Donald Trump, I truly, madly, deeply love you man
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This Be The ReVerse
after Philip Larkin’s “This Be The Verse”
They fuck you up your sons and daughters
They mean to, yes of course they do.
They blame you when they shouldn’t ought to
Denying all that you hold true.
And we fucked up our Mums and Dads,
Complained of absence and neglect.
Our rebel instincts drove them mad,
We thought them gormless, dull, inept.
We place the blame on those before.
We pass the parcel in reverse.
But here’s a truth you can’t ignore:
You get the children you deserve.
---- Copyright Mike Hopkins 2020
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