Poem number 19.
Perhaps a touch of Henry Reed’s “Naming of Parts”. A bit more work will link the three parts together better, and maybe add more sections, but I like the idea.
This is your Enhanced Combat Helmet
which may or may not stop a high velocity projectile entering your brain
This is your Boonie Hat
which is supposed to provide a camouflage effect if you happen to be hiding from enemy combatants in the jungle
This is your Cap Badge
which identifies your nationality in the unlikely event that you get mixed up with another army
This is your Disruptive Pattern Camouflage Uniform
which has material of five colours randomly arranged and in theory will match the surroundings in which you operate
This is your Jump Smock
in case you have to use a parachute. Note the crotch is designed not to bellow on descent.
This is your Slouch Hat
which is not of much use but is favoured for those times when you appear in public or in front of the media. Note that one side droops whilst the other is pinned up.
This is your Unit Colour Patch
which you will wear on your Slouch Hat to indicate the unit to which you belong.
These are your Doc Marten boots
which you will use to kick the shit out of any Pakis, coons, gooks or other unfortunates you happen to dislike
These are your Levi 501s
which you may either roll up or shorten to draw attention to your deadly boots
These are your Braces
preferably half to three-quarter inches thick and black or red. They are used, not to keep your jeans up, but to flex with your thumbs
This is your Ben Sherman shirt
with button down collar. Do NOT wear a tie with it, and keep the colour muted to match the surroundings in which you operate
This is your Denim Jacket
which you may decorate with badges to indicate the unit to which you belong
These are your black leather boots
into which your jeans must be tucked. The toes are pointed to inflict damage when applied forcefully to an opponent’s genitals.
These are your denims
which preferably should be allowed to accumulate dirt and motor oil
This is your white scarf
which may keep the wind from blowing down the back of your neck, but otherwise just looks slick
This is your black leather jacket
which will provide some protection as well as blend in with the tarmac on which you operate
These are your white socks
which should be long enough to roll over the top of your boots.
These are your jacket patches
which you may stitch to your jacket to indicate the unit to which you belong.