Poem a Day 2013 #7: Jesus is Coming to a Darts Tournament Near You

Poem number 7. Another one inspired by a newspaper headline, this time from that piece of crap, Rupert Murdoch’s soaraway “Sun”.  The headline, which is surprisingly clever for “The Sun”, reads: 

                One hundred and deity
Darts fan booted out of final because he looked like Jesus

I slightly mis-recalled the story, when I wrote the poem. I thought that the man mistaken for Jesus was a competitor, whilst it seems he was only a fan in the crowd. Although it seemed funny on first reading, I find the video of the incident quite disturbing. The whole British culture of “get pissed and take the piss” can get quite ugly, and in this instance it has a nasty, mob hysteria edge to it. Which is by way of saying that, if I had the time, I’d probably revise the poem to maybe reduce the light side and better reflect the nastiness of the mob.  Anyway, ‘poem a day’ is about getting a poem out, not getting a perfect poem out.

Jesus Is Coming To A Darts Tournament Near You

He’s been practicing hard

New arrows, new board

Hitting doubles and trebles

Just to be the darts Lord


But his beard is distracting

and his rivals suspicious

For the crowd are all chanting

“Stand up if you love Jesus”


The Darts Union rules

in relation to entrants

say nothing may distract

the other contestants


Or cause audience chants

Such as “Jesus is Lord”

from his beer sodden followers

his worshipping hoard


They have crucifix neck chains

and Jesus tattoos

When he hits treble twenty

they scream “Halleloo”


So he goes back to Heaven

With his darts in his hand

leaving drunken disciples

still waiting for their darts promised land.
Copyright Mike Hopkins 2013


6 thoughts on “Poem a Day 2013 #7: Jesus is Coming to a Darts Tournament Near You

  1. A ‘darker’ poem is simply another poem – this one exists in its own right; the inspiration for it is just where it started.Mis-hearing/misinterpreting something is a laudably valid way of getting ideas! I like it. Worth returning to “when you’ve got time” – see If you can get the last line to scan. I’d like to see the darker poem too.

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