The Best Thing on the ABC News ………

…. is sometimes the newsreader.

Here is one of my “greatest hits”.  Written about 3 years ago, it is a poem that people seem to like, and ask to hear again.  The name of the newsreader in question has been changed, to avoid charges of stalking.  In any case, since I wrote the poem, she went off and married some tall, dark, handsome reporter.  Jealous, me?

I’m in Love with the Television News Reader

7 pm every evening
she appears in my living room
bringing me the news of the world
Juanita Cox
looking at me with her large green eyes
gently tossing her coiffured blond hair
demurely enunciating ugly words
through her beautifully shaped mouth


another insane event has occurred in some far off country
and Juanita Cox has red lip gloss on tonight
another boat load of desperate people has reached our shores
only Juanita Cox can make the word “asylum” sound erotic
another paedophile released on bail
you shouldn’t have to read such filth Juanita


more bikie gang trouble in the city
if I had tats and a Harley Juanita, would you ride off with me?
the Government’s economic policies are working
who did you share your stimulus package with Juanita?
another loutish sportsman has disgraced himself in public
Juanita, let the sports reporter read that stuff in future
debate continues about the best way to tackle climate change
would you trade emissions with me Juanita?


she is telling me that tomorrow
it will be warm and moist
and Jesus Christ
Juanita Cox has two buttons undone on her blouse


There will be a news update in an hour
but not from Juanita Cox
and without Juanita Cox
no news is good news


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6 thoughts on “The Best Thing on the ABC News ………

  1. Total. Gold. You filthy (not quite) old feller you ! Really tightly put together and some great colourful images in there. I can see why you get lots of requests for it ! Do you know, I wrote one back in 2003 about Mary Kostakidis. It’s in ‘Mapless in Underland’ but I can’t link you to an online copy at the mo. I would like the record to reflect, however, that it does not happen to be a lesbian stalker poem – or at least it wasn’t *consciously* intended as one 😉

    • Less of the “old” thankyou Ms. Smith. The ‘filthy’ is fine. When I have my collection published by Faber and Faber, can I get you to write the cover blurb? Love to read your Mary K one, and I take your word for it, despite what everyone here in Adelaide says about you.

  2. a terrific poem, Mike, clever and witty while at the same time being accessible. I can see why people love it. You certainly have the talent for this sort of thing.

    I reaqd it twice: the first time just to get the gist of the poem; the second time to look at how you did it.

    The penultimate stanza knocks me right out 🙂

    • Thanks John. I first read it, a little warily, at a poetry group which has a high proportion of ‘mature age’, Christian women. I was a bit worried they might be offended a) by the eroticism, for want of a better word and b) the ‘blasphemy’. In fact, they are the ones who have consistently asked me to read it again, and again. Never judge, as they say.

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