This one came from a Facebook post this morning, about a “New Age Bullshit Generator” (here). You press a celestial button on the site and it generates a page of New Age bullshit – you know, rebirth, unicorns, the cosmos, chakras etc.
So I challenged fellow Poem A Day-er Tracey Korsten to a duel – write a poem out of the New Age bullshit.
So here’s mine:
“The Universe is Buzzing ….“
…with bio-electricity” she says. “We exist as bio-feedback.”
- I am reminded I haven’t paid my power bill.
“The solar system is calling to you via vibrations.” she says “Can you hear it?”
- I cup my ear, but the vibrations are overwhelmed by bar chatter and the cash register
“We will be reborn at a crossroads of power and discontinuity” she says
- I had a Robert Johnson record once, but I scratched it.
“Who are we? Where on the great mission will we be reborn?”
- I hadn’t realised she was one of the Stolen Generation.
“We are in the midst of an event that will remove the barriers to the cosmos itself so that we will enter into infinite space-time”
- I see myself as a young Captain Kirk, in an early episode of Star Trek
“Bondage is the antithesis of growth. Desire is born in the gap”
- I think she’s trying to hit on me
“Reality has always been full of adventurers”
- She IS trying to hit on me
“Imagine a maturing of what could be. It is time to take aspiration to the next level” she says
- No, she thinks I’m too old
“Astrology may be the solution to what’s holding you back from an epic fount of potentiality. Confront the things that can exterminate” she says
- Astrology instead of Viagra? Or maybe it’s Dr. Who.
“Our chakras are engulfed in the wonders of curiosity” she says
- “I’m skint. I was wondering if you could buy me a pint?” I say.
© Mike Hopkins 2014